Sorry Kids, There’s A Baconfest Dress Code, Old Is In, Safety Over Skin
Baconfest is coming Saturday May 12, 2018. We take bacon very seriously.
So seriously in fact, everything else by comparison could be a joke.
We know you have many questions regarding Baconfest. Primary among them should be what is appropriate attire for this festival of bacon at The Rex Baxter Building on the Tri-State Fairgrounds. Even though it’s our first Baconfest, you should be comforted to know there is a traditional dress code that provides us helpful guidelines. Think of the Baconfest dress code as ‘Pork Casual’, a new fashion for the new century. You’ve probably got what you need in the closet or on the floor beside the bed.
ACCEPTED GENTLEMAN’S ATTIRE
Men generally wear the traditional Baconfest suit, as seen above at an ancestral event, which wasn’t called Baconfest but did feature a helluva lot of bacon, both eaten and used to grease wagon wheel axles. Gentleman will remember to always keep their jacket on, not only because it’s rude to be without it but it protects their white shirt from bacon stains. If you don’t have one of these classic suits in the closet, there is still time to get decked.
LADIES DRESS GUIDELINES
For the ladies, it’s best not to wear anything you don’t want to get grease splattered, chose something you’d wear doing the dishes. Or just come in the apron you’ll already be wearing while doing pre-Baconfest house cleaning, probably similar to the one above (you can leave the rubber gloves at home). If you don’t have an apron or if your embroidered one is dirty, there is still time to girl-up.
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MASKS, HOODS, AND VEILS
We don’t expect our celebration will offend those who might easily argue we’ve deified bacon or those who could rationally suggest we’re simultaneously objectifying and disrespecting bacon. All we want to do is eat it. We don’t expect anyone will need to conceal their identity at Baconfest. However, avant-garde hipster types or the unusually paranoid are free to wear headgear of their choosing if it helps with the agoraphobia (some restrictions apply, see below).
Opera type masks like the one pictured above are recommended as the mouth area is left open and unlikely to restrict any bacon getting into the gullet. If you don’t already have a mask, you probably don’t need it.
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We encourage and support participants usage of protective gear to shield their bodies and clothing from all the delightful hazards that come when immersing oneself in bacon, in public. Unfortunately, Baconfest cannot afford to give a free bib to everyone. Although we can provide a suggestion on where you might find one. You don’t want to get caught with your bib down, like the loser below.
Please note: Medical face guards and welding masks are prohibited inside Baconfest by rule of the Hemispherical Bacon & Salt Pork Authority, Northern Bureau. But you are free to wear them outside alongside all the filthy smokers.
NOW, YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO GO…HOGWILD
I hope to see you at Baconfest. My suit is at the dry cleaners and I’m either going to wear my custom Dallas Cowboys Phantom of the Opera mask or finally break out the veil I stole from the dressing room at the Amarillo Opera two years ago. It was during that year’s run of ‘The Nutcracker’ and yes, it was totally worth it.
Don’t forget, we take bacon very seriously. So seriously in fact, everything else by comparison could be a joke.