Lindsay Lohan

There are certain occasions in life where a simple black suit will suffice. A funeral. A job interview. A court appearance. But if you're Lindsay Lohan and you're headed before a judge for the bazillionth time, you don't keep it modest, prim or proper. You wear a white pantsuit comprised with possibly sheer fabric and a skirt over the pants part. Maybe?

Lindsay Lohan wasn't too pleased with Justin Bieber's Instagram rant, in which he poked fun at her tax problems. She also is assuming he hasn't hit puberty yet.

Even though Lindsay Lohan could have gotten out of her recent legal woes by taking a plea deal, she refused every single offer made to her -- and will thus go to trial on Monday, March 18. Mark your calendars, kids. Miss Lohan could be facing up to 245 days in jail for her probation gaffe. Or, you know, probably not, since she's a celebrity and all.

Dina Lohan showed up to a charity art auction event Tuesday night, March 12, because apparently no one told her that paintings aren't made of gin.

Looks like that heart-to-heart with Will Smith was all for naught, because Justin Bieber has taken to Instagram once again with some controversial words. Specifically that he's not going into rehab (nor does he deserve to be in rehab), that he's seen the entire world and that he's not a financial failure like Lindsay Lohan.

Judge Jim Dabney isn't the only person who wants Lindsay Lohan to drop Mark Heller. Her proud papa, Michael Lohan -- a lukewarm mess to her mom Dina's hot -- not only urged Lilo to get a new attorney (and even found one for her), but also claims to know what tricks Heller has up his sleeve. And as he's wont to do, Michael Lohan is running his mouth about it.

Because Lindsay Lohan's life has come to this, she's not just making cameos in films like 'Scary Movie 5' -- she's also appearing in something called 'InAPPropriate Comedy,' which inexplicably stars Oscar winner Adrien Brody and was directed by Vince Offer. Whom you may know better as the guy from the ShamWow commercials. Obviously, anyone is allowed to make movies these days. Even dudes in chees

In case you thought for whatever reason that Lindsay Lohan was getting her ish together, brace yourself: she's not there yet. The starlet, whose current attorney Mark Heller is essentially a caricature of a bumbling goblin of a lawyer, still owes her fired superstar lawyer Shawn Holley -- who she dropped in favor of Heller -- a whole lot of dough.

Right after being reamed by a judge for being incompetent in practicing California law, Lindsay Lohan's beleagured attorney, Mark Heller, demonstrated he also wasn't too familiar with medicine. Heller swore up and down that La Lohan suffered a concussion in her car crash that spawned her lying to cops case, but -- stop us if you've heard this one before -- law enforcement officials insist no such

Charlie Sheen is a Hollywood antihero, but he wants to be an actual hero for Lindsay Lohan, who he considers a friend -- a friend without any benefits at all.

Mark Heller may be a horrible attorney for Lindsay Lohan, but he's a glorious treasure trove of material for the rest of us.

- You can play Lindsay Lohan in a porn parody. If you look like a tired, middle-aged redhead.