Charlie’s Video Field Guide To Prep You For Fireworks On July 4
This weekend there will cookouts. There will be families and friends gathering together. There will be over-the-counter explosives handed to the village idiot to fire off into the night sky.
To prep us for the impending illumination of the night sky this weekend, I have gathered the best videos I could find.
Remember, when lighting fireworks you will need to back up. Make sure you have an escape plan. You don't want to be like Terry.
Fireworks And Car Alarms Don't Mix
It's true. If you have an annoying car alarm, park your ride somewhere that will keep it from being triggered by the unavoidable low hanging blast initiated by the neighborhood idiot.
Jesus Won't Save You From Your Own Silliness
If you choose to stand too close to the fire, so to speak, don't be surprised if things go sideways...literally.
Assume People Lighting The Fireworks Didn't Read The Instructions
If you need some bathroom reading material, take your bag of fireworks in there so you'll know how to make them go "boom" properly. Also, fireworks and windows don't mix.
There's A Chance Your Dog Doesn't Give A Damn
Most of us have dogs that are afraid of fireworks. Some of us have a four legged psychopath that ran out of damns to give.
Now that I think about it, I think I'll just shelter in place this weekend under a mattress in a bathtub and ride it out.
"But, Charlie," you say, "that's how you protect yourself from tornadoes!" I'm from Oklahoma. Bathtubs and mattresses are how you fix everything.
Happy Independence Day. Stay safe and have fun.