Gaze Upon the Epic Cheesy Lava Crust ‘Spider-Man: Homecoming’ Pizza And Know True Fear
Twitter user @entourageschlop just alerted me to an urgent and important bit of news out of Singapore: The local branch of Pizza Hut has invented a brand new and utterly horrifying pizza to celebrate the release of Spider-Man: Homecoming. They call it the Epic Cheesy Lava Pizza.
According to the mad scientists over at Pizza Hut Singapore, their ungodly concoction contains “battered chicken, turkey bacon, black pepper mayo and cream cheese toppings ＋ cheesy lava crust.” I’m not sure what makes it cheesy lava, but I presume it oozes out when you bite into it, and then perhaps burns everything it touches to ash.
Guys, I bought almost every Spider-Man comic book published between the years of 1993 and 2001. I lived through the worst of the Clone Saga. And I can say, without question, that this is the worst thing that has ever happened to Spider-Man. Growing four extra arms? The Spider-Mobile? Dude that has nothing on this pizza. NOTHING.
A post shared by Ordinary Person (@iamlinalink) on
The main villain in Homecoming is Vulture; there’s no fire- or lava-related bad guys to justify a “lava crust.” On the other hand, I’m not sure a more “accurate” Spider-Man pizza topped with real spiders or vultures is what anyone wants either.
Stateside Pizza Huts have a promotion with Spider-Man: Homecoming as well, but it’s nowhere near as soul-crushing as Epic Cheesy Lava Crust; it’s just a Cheesy Bites Pizza in a promotional Spidey box. After their recent Despicable Me 3 menu, it appears that Singapore is leading the way when it comes to crazy movie food. I both salute them for it and am so glad international flights to Asia are extremely expensive.