In the name of progress and safety, I imagine one day we will find that we have rendered most things unable to be used. I get trying to make things safer, but for the love of all that is sacred and somewhat holy this type of thing gets insanely far under my skin.

What is it that makes me mad? Have you seen how stupid gas cans have become?

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Save Your Pious "Think Of The Children" Nonsense

If you can't help yourself, just say it into the toilet and flush. That's where these types of "advances" belong anyways.

There are some changes from when I was a kid that I am thankful for when I think of my own children. The absence of lead paint being one that comes to mind. Seat belts are another. Car seats are pretty rad, if you ask me.

However, how far are we really willing to go in the name of "safety?"

Why Did We Ruin Gas Cans?!

Please, will some scientist or engineer, maybe a pediatrician or just someone whose pay-grade is light years beyond mine, explain why in the nonsensical backwaters of hell did we do this to gas cans?

It used to be really simple. Pick up gas can. Put nozzle in hole of whatever needed fuel. Tilt gas can. When a tiny bit spills out of the top, stop, and you're done.

Simple.

Why does pouring gas from a gas can now need printed instructions on the side so you'll know how to work the god-forsaken thing? Am I overreacting? I wish.

Look.

Charlie Hardin
Charlie Hardin
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I've handed this gas can to four different people, and none of them instinctively knew how to use it. True story.

What Are The Multiple Steps To Work A Gas Can?

Well, you need to flip a switch and then push in a big block to unlock the spout so you can pour the fuel.

Step 1: Position your fingers awkwardly on the nozzle of the gas can.

Charlie Hardin
Charlie Hardin
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Step 2: Flip that little switch. It doesn't lock, so you'll need to hold it there.

Charlie Hardin
Charlie Hardin
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Step 3: Cuss because now you need to push in the green block, but can't. You'll need to reposition your hand using the palm and pray God blessed you with the hand strength of a silver back gorilla.

Charlie Hardin
Charlie Hardin
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Now, you're ready to pour. Good luck.

Fun Business Idea: Professional Gas Can Operator

Learn the ins and outs of modern gas can technology, and I'll wager you can make money by going to people's houses and showing them how to operate the unfortunate things.

The label on the can does say "by law." So I will use this as an opportunity to point out the ineptness of legislation and many of our lawmakers in general. There are major issues that we just can't seem to figure out, but by-god they sure did fix the gas can issue.

They fixed it so good that nobody wants to use one anymore.

Apparently, government doesn't fix things. It just makes them more complicated. Look no further than the gas can.

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