Crafty domestic goddess Martha Stewart has inked a deal with JCPenney that will basically give her a monopoly on the major retailer and simultaneously ban Oprah and Rosie O'Donnell from doing business with the chain -- and that's just for starters.

Do not pass the crocheted tea-cozy replica of Go. Do not collect 200 Michael's coupons.

As a clause in the homemade potpourri-scented SEC filing agreement between Martha Stewart Living and JCPenney clearly states:

“Competitive Product means any product ... associated with Oprah Winfrey, Ina Garten (including Barefoot Contessa), The Food Network, Real Simple, Better Homes and Gardens, or Rosie O’Donnell. Neither JCP nor any of its Affiliates shall manufacture, market, promote, sell or distribute any Competitive Product.”

We're sure said competitors are currently whipping up their own all-natural organic salve to deal with that major burn. Why so skittish, Martha?

“Martha is knifing some of the people that have offered her a lot of support over her career," a source told the NY Post. "Rosie O’Donnell actually went to her trial to show public support, and has appeared several times on her talk show."

Added an insider, “Oprah Winfrey famously had Martha on her syndicated talk show post-jail, as a way of support, allowing Martha to promote her magazine and her products.”

However, not all of the named competition were friends -- the deal took down Martha's frenemy Ina Garten as well. Things kind of imploded with them when Garten left the comfort of Martha's embrace for the producers of Nigella Lawson's show to create the popular Food Network program 'The Barefoot Contessa.'

Claims a representative for Stewart, “It is standard business practice for partnership agreements involving celebrity-endorsed brands to include terms related to competitive products ... This does not change the fact that Martha is a friend and huge supporter of all of the people mentioned.”

We have a feeling they beg to differ. Be sure to keep one eye open, Martha. You never know when someone's gonna sneak up behind you with some pinking shears.

UPDATE: This was all certainly news to Rosie, who responded to our tweet about the story thusly:

When we asked if the Post story was wrong, she replied:

And the plot thickens ...

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